you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
