it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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