That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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