Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
