First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I need moral support for this bender
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
