I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
