I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
