I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
