I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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