My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize