They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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