Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
