worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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