If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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