I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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