My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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