Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
