Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
