Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
