So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
