Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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