I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
