Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
