need another drink. this is the easiest way
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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