I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
