I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
