Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize