Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
