Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize