Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
