know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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