Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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