at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
