she woke up with a sticky ear
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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