R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
