She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize