I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
as a side note pls kill me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
