I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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