I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
