Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
