we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
