We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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