I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
