God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
