I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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