Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
