Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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