bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
