what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
