I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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