ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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