On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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