you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
