Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
