why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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