Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
