Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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