Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
