I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I had to cum in my sink.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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