No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
