You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
