there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
