i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
