This girl is more easily done than said...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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