I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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