I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize