Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
