there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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