I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
