If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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