Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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