Im at strip club and am horny
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
