If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
