Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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