yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
